


I Never Told You

by brittyelaine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Admissions of Love, Castiel in the Bunker, Coda, Dean Has Feelings For Castiel, Dean Talks About Feelings, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s12e12 Stuck In The Middle (With You), First Kiss, Idiots in Love, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Post-Episode: s12e12 Stuck In The Middle (With You)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 04:41:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9803027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brittyelaine/pseuds/brittyelaine
Summary: “Did you mean what you said?  That… that you…”“That I love you,” Cas finishes for him.  Dean swallows and nods his head.  He watches Cas; watches the wheels turning.  He watches Cas think about deflecting, avoiding, or changing the subject.  His heart hammers in his chest when Cas doesn’t.  “I meant every word.”  Cas squares his shoulders and meets his eyes with a perfunctory nod.





	

The drive home is a quiet one. Dean can feel Sam beside him, squirming, desperate to ask questions. To talk about what exactly just happened. He knows Sam knows better, though. Thankfully, he keeps quiet. Every couple of minutes, Dean glances in the rearview, making sure Cas’s truck is still behind them; still following them. He wanted Cas to leave the truck and ride with them -- he’d been through a lot, didn’t need to be driving. Cas, of course, refused. With a heavy sigh, he tightens his grip on the steering wheel and presses harder on the gas. Dean’s full of adrenaline, full of questions, full of… he’s not even sure. He’s buzzing.

Sam barely waits for the door to close before he announces he’s beat, and heading to bed. Dean grunts a goodnight in his direction and turns his attention to Cas. He still looks worse for wear -- exhausted and filthy. “You look like you should hit the hay, too,” he says. He tries to sound jollier than he feels. The waiver in his voice betrays that. He notices Cas gripping the back of a chair, and he has to stop himself from reaching out to him. 

“I’m fine, Dean,” Cas says quietly, avoiding Dean’s eyes. “Thank you.”

Dean takes a shaky breath and nods. “Yeah,” he says, in answer of nothing particular. “Well, I’m gonna…” he jabs a thumb over his shoulder. “I’m gonna grab a shower and head to bed, so…”

“I’ll be here.” Cas lifts his eyes slowly, and Dean’s breath catches in his throat. The whole way home, that night had been playing in his head. The thought of losing Cas. Cas’s confession. Dean’s cowardice.

“Right.” He steps forward and pats Cas’s shoulder awkwardly. “Night, Cas.” 

“Goodnight, Dean.”

 

Dean scrubs the towel over his head and tosses it in the hamper, half missing his mark. Physically, he feels a little better after a shower. Unfortunately, soap and shampoo do little to wash away his emotional turmoil. He sinks to the bed and clasps his hands as he leans forward on his knees. With a sudden gust of resolve, he heads for the door and pulls it open to find Cas on the other side, hand raised to knock. He doesn’t allow himself to stop and think before he pulls Cas into a hug.

Cas is rigid at first, unsure of how to handle the situation, but Dean feels him melt and pull Dean closer. “Thought I lost you, man,” Dean whispers. He closes his eyes and buries his face in Cas’s shoulder. When he pulls away, he ducks his head, and forces Cas to look him in the eye. “Did you mean it?”

“Dean…”

“Cas.” Dean’s voice is firm. Fuck it, he’s going for it. What the hell does he have to lose at this point? “Did you mean what you said? That… that you…”

“That I love you,” Cas finishes for him. Dean swallows and nods his head. He watches Cas; watches the wheels turning. He watches Cas think about deflecting, avoiding, or changing the subject. His heart hammers in his chest when Cas doesn’t. “I meant every word.” Cas squares his shoulders and meets his eyes with a perfunctory nod. 

Dean lets out a breath and looks to the floor, as if it holds the words he’s looking for. “Cas,” he starts. His voice is hushed but belies the terror he feels. “Cas, I’m--”

“It’s alright, Dean,” Cas says. “I don’t expect you to--”

“I love you.” Dean looks up, _forces_ himself to look up and meet Cas’s eyes. The words settle between them, like a weight floating to the ocean floor. “I love you, too, Cas.” He hates himself for not having been able to tell Cas when he thought he was dying. He should have said it when he thought he was out of time. He should have said it when he killed Ishim. He should have said it when he offed Billie. He should have said it when he found him after prison. He should have said it after Lucifer. There’s an endless list of times Dean _should have_ said it. It’s the one thing, of all the things he’s said to Castiel in the last eight years, he just should have fucking said. And now that the words are there, present and larger than life between them, he really can’t figure out why he never did. 

“I’m not--” he stops himself and huffs, running a hand through his hair before scrubbing it over his face. “Cas, you’ve known me a long time. You know that stuff like this,” he gestures between them, “scares the crap outta me.” He feels ballsy and takes a small step toward Cas. Cas, who looks like a disaster -- his trenchcoat and suit jacket were discarded somewhere between the front door and Dean’s, his tie is barely holding on, he’s filthy and still covered in blood… but it’s Cas. _His_ Cas. And his Cas is okay, alive, breathing, and admittedly in love with him. Dean reaches up and takes Cas’s face in his hands. He’s touched Cas’s face so many times before, but never like this. Each previous instance was a gesture of desperation in action. This, though… is intimate. Quiet, calm, loving. He inches closer and takes a shaky breath when Cas’s hands settle on his waist. “I’m sorry I never told you. I’m sorry I couldn’t--”

“But you did,” Cas says quietly. When he meets Dean’s eyes, Dean swallows. “In all the time I’ve known you and Sam, I’ve learned that there’s nothing you hold in higher regard than family. Accepting me as that… worrying… caring enough to be angry with me when I risk my life? You’ve always told me you love me. You just weren’t listening close enough.” 

Dean surges forward and kisses Cas. He hasn’t brushed his teeth yet, Cas’s lips are dry, and Dean can taste the coppery dried blood. It’s shaky and fevered, but it’s everything. It’s everything Dean’s wanted for longer than he was even aware. When they break, Dean tilts his mouth away and rests his forehead against Cas’s. “Stop almost dyin’ on me,” he whispers. 

“I could say the same to you,” Cas answers. Dean’s eyes are closed, but he can hear the smile in Cas’s voice. 

They hold each other in Dean’s doorway until he pulls back. “Get a shower,” he says, and runs a hand through Cas’s hair. “And then come to bed.” He says it with trepidation, as if he was unsure if their confessions of love actually granted him permission to fall asleep with Cas in his arms. 

When Cas nods, Dean feels a weight lifted. “I'll be quick,” he says and kisses Dean again. He feels heady and weightless and like his heart could burst. 

Later, as they lay in bed together, legs entwined beneath the sheets, Dean fights exhaustion. He tries, against everything his body has, to keep his eyes open. He's afraid if he sleeps, he’ll miss something. If he sleeps, Cas will be gone. Cas's hand cups his jaw, his thumb smoothing over his cheek and the three days’ worth of stubble. “Sleep, Dean,” he whispers as Dean's eyes slip closed. He feels Cas shift closer and kiss his forehead. “I'll be here when you wake. I promise.”

Dean sighs softly, finally letting sleep overtake him. He sleeps better than he has in years that night. And when he opens his eyes late the next morning, Cas is beside him with a smile. It warms him like waking to the sunrise in summer. “Good morning, Dean,” Cas greets him quietly. 

Dean smiles, pulling Cas in close. “Mornin’, sunshine.”

**Author's Note:**

> This episode, y'all. Hoo buddy. This episode was nearly my downfall. Have another first kiss coda. These give me life. I'm a slut for Dean calling Cas his sunshine, and I will not apologize for using it as much as possible. 
> 
> Come hang out with me on [Tumblr](http://brittywritesstuff.tumblr.com)!


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